The biggest loser at my weight-loss club was an elderly woman. How’d you do it? we asked. Easy, she said. Every night I take my teeth out at six
My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me he’d drunk more than usual the day before. What’s more than usual? I asked.
You can drink a case in a day?!
Well, he grumbled defensively, it doesn't take all
I knew that my husband’s hearing had deteriorated after our friend—new to the city— asked where he could meet some singles. Well, said my husband, I see them in the cafe parking lot diving for fries.
Dear, I intervened. Singles, not
a teen takes a shortcut home
through the cemetery. Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots
an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
“I thought you were a ghost,”
says the relieved teen. “What are you
A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. “Please, Señora,” the poor man pleads, “I haven’t eaten all day.”
“Good,” says the grandmother. “Now you won’t have to worry about cramps when you go for a
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
4. People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask, 'Did I wake you?'
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can