As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world,
I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's ass anymore.
If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, mainly eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and only
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Woolworths.
'Woolworths?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Woolworths?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour..
But, by the time I got my leotards on,
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember
The biggest loser at my weight-loss club was an elderly woman. How’d you do it? we asked. Easy, she said. Every night I take my teeth out at six
My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me he’d drunk more than usual the day before. What’s more than usual? I asked.
You can drink a case in a day?!
Well, he grumbled defensively, it doesn't take all